I get annual flu shots but I won’t get a COVID-19 vaccination.
Bill Gates is the Antichrist but all his software makes my life so much easier.
I’ll wear a mask when I visit my grandmother in ICU battling cancer but I won’t wear a mask when I enter a private business.
I believe in God but not how a virus is transmitted.
I believe my preacher when he says Jonah got swallowed by a whale but not a public health official telling me to wash my hands.
I wear a seat belt and transport my child in an approved car seat to protect my family but I won’t wear a mask to an indoor funeral.
It’s okay to use the N-word in a Quentin Tarantino film but not a Mark Twain novel.
I believe legal cannabis is detrimental to society but not personal possession of military grade weapons.
I’m the descendant of old immigrants but I hate new immigrants.
I hate socialism but I am on disability, Medicaid and food stamps and my favorite thing to do is recreate on Oregon’s ocean beaches.
I’m an embittered white man and loathe everything new about America but I love my dogs.
I pay for corporate entertainment online but won’t pay independent musicians and writers who post their content online.
I teach my child to share but then don’t share as an adult.
I worship Wall Street and Main Street.
I support US military intervention everywhere but no one in my family has ever served in the military.
I revere the American flag but bought mine from China.
I believe what it says on the Statue of Liberty but not when it moves into my neighborhood.
I stormed the US Capitol in anger and later sat in a pew and sung hymns about loving my neighbor.
I live in a small town with a family-owned hardware store and shop at a nearby Walmart for hardware.
I had an abortion (or two) when I was young nut don’t want women to have them now.
I believe in news that supports my world view but not fake news that does not.
I believe in gravity but global warming is a hoax.
I believe I’m Woke but instantly judge someone after reading a single tweet.
I’m Woke but eat fast food.
I believe a teacher can join her students for a BLM protest but not her students for an anti-abortion protest.
I fly the American and Confederate flags over my garage.
I’m a closeted gay politician and persecute LGBQ people through my legislation.
I rail against too much sex in American popular culture and never have sex.
I live in a glass house and throw stones.
I’m fat and judge people.
I support police unions but despise teacher unions.
I worship the working class but don’t want a federal minimum wage of $15 and hour.
I know EVERYTHING about American life but have never left Malheur County.
I know EVERYTHING about American life because I went to Reed College.