The New Joys of Jello Chronicles Part 3

Look at this couple. Look at their outfits. Look at what they’re bringing to a dinner or key party in 1979!

Here is the recipe for the “dessert” she offers up after he rang the doorbell that would lead to their gaining access to a suburban house of pleasure, pleasure made possible in part by Jello!

Strawberries Romanoff

1 pint strawberries, washed and stemmed

2 tablespoons sugar

2 packages strawberry Jello

2 cups boiling water

2 tablespoons brandy

2 tablespoons Cointreau or Curacao liqueur

2 cups Cool Whip

There is no need to elaborate on the directions of preparation. There is however, a little note at the end that encourages the maker of this boozy gelatinous delight to double the recipe when it comes to the amount of alcohol. Well, why the hell not? It was 1979 and Jimmy Carter was President. How about triple the amount? Why the hell not? He was turning down the thermostat in the White House and asking Americans to sacrifice, wear sweaters and drive cars that got 18 miles to the gallon.

Big mistake.

What this Strawberries Romanoff (and why Romanoff, with its murdered Czar family connotations?) concoction amounted to is a gigantic Jello shot that quite possibly intoxicated the entire dinner party and had them rolling around on the shag carpet in the throes of an orgy.

But I must remind you, these beautiful and lusty people were consuming their Jello “shots” garnished with mint sprigs with fine cutlery from parfait glasses instead of downing them from paper pill dispensers like the ones the lunatics used in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest!

That’s how far America has gone down the toilet since 1979. Zero class. More class oppression.

And of course, something utterly profane and revolting as Jello wrestling in the strip clubs came along in the 80s. We really hit rock bottom with that gimmick.

It is conceivable that this little book is the genesis for the crude cultural vulgarity later known as the Jello shot. On this very page! With this very recipe!

Oh what a moment to encounter dynamic social history at its source!