Ode to My New Toaster

Oh you wondrous silver and black machine!

Oh you analog Black and Decker beauty!

Hail to your immortal simplicity!

Hail to your compact size!

Hail to your unchanged design since 1977!

Hail to your one knob and one lever!

You cost only $29.99!

No LED, no beeps, no WI-Fi. I don’t want to talk to my damn toaster! I want it to toast!

And I want to turn more knobs and depress more levers in my life, in reality and metaphor. There’s nothing like tuning in something with a knob to gain better clarity and the joy of depressing a lever to engage something to begin operating.

The bread went in, I turned the knob, I depressed the lever.

Wires crackled, wires glowed red.

In short order the toast popped up

and I was slathering butter and grape jelly on the toast toasted

on my first new toaster in 30 years.