Shakespeare by Enema

Jesus, what a day teaching Senior English at Taft High School in Lincoln City!

I taught Shakespeare by enema.

I rammed the Bard right up their ass,

a Romeo and Juliet suppository.

Wait, enema, suppository, isn’t that a contradiction?

That one rocker kid, Chris, burnout, surly.

He demanded why he had to read this stuff.

It wasn’t going to prepare him to repair a kitchen appliance.

I told him.

He shook his head, rolled his eyes, first out the door.

He’s probably the one who left the note: we fucked on your desk during the assembly, you should lock your door Mr. Love.

Show Claire and Leonardo and get the fucking unit over!

No one will know I quit.

I raced home over Cascade Head in the pickup after work and loaded up the dogs.

I wanted to hit Nestucca Spit and run to the end before dark.

We hauled ass. I turned my head west and saw a dolphin jump!

I stopped dead in the sand, trained my vision to a porthole in the waves,

yelled at the dogs, “Did you fucking see that?”

Yes, a dolphin. Do they swim off the Oregon Coast?

I know the politics of oceans

but not much about mammals smart enough eons ago

to forgo land and return to the ocean

where they’d never be ruled by such a colossal human fuck up

as the current President of the United States.

Sometimes I wish I could return to water to live.

I’ll have to wait until I die.

The dogs and I ran faster.

Sun gone.

Dusk three shades of gray commanded the stage.

I recited lines from soliloquies,

knowing I’d keep shoving Shakespeare up their asses tomorrow morning.

I never quit in the classroom.

We returned to the truck in darkness,

light rain landed on my face.

The ocean’s scent strong.

Brine up my nostrils.

I dropped the tailgate, the dogs jumped in.

We came together as a team.

I petted their wet heads,

used my distinct funny voice for each dog,

told them what nuts they were.

All hail the power of a Nestucca Spit enema!

Hey, fuck you Taft High seniors!

Get ready for a cold water high colonic in classic literature.

Wait until we read the double suicide scene aloud

and CM plays Juliet and I play Romeo!