Oregon Tavern Age: Trumpian Hallmark Movie
It was 9:50 in the December morning. I was in Oregon City OTA country waiting for a fish market to open so I could purchase their legendary crab cakes. Nothing like killing time in OTA country during the holiday season!
A Hallmark Christmas movie called Snow Bride played quietly on TV. I sat at a table, sipped a can of craft malt liquor, and thought about writing a letter.
An OTA geezer sat at the bar and drank a Crown Royal on the rocks as he lectured a dreadlocked female OTA bartender. Yes, there is such a real person in OTA country.
The geezer was lecturing her about liberals, Hunter Biden, Pelosi, AOC, blah, blah, blah. He knew it all and it was all the Democrats fault.
Oregon was a Blue state, he acknowledged that, and hated that fact.
Everything out of the geezer’s moth was a demonstrable lie, bullshit manufactured by Fox News talking points.
Prior to Donald Trump, this geezer would have been talking about how fucked up he’d got the night before decorating the tree and how he’d shit himself in the bathtub and accidentally cooked up dog food for supper. Not anymore.
Cue “Taps” here for the death of OTA storytelling.
An OTA man entered the joint and ordered a well whiskey and a Rainier. He took a seat at the bar.
He and the geezer then launched into a happy reminiscence about the classic Rainier TV ads from the 70s, when Rainier was actually brewed in the Pacific Northwest by union men and women.
Shit! They weren’t talking about Biden or Democrats!
Then they began a running commentary on the improbability of the Hallmark movie’s plot.
A hot babe had crashed her sedan into a snow bank. She was on her way to meet her milquetoast fiance. For some reason she was wearing only shorts and tank top despite the freezing weather. She was going to die of hypothermia and it was almost Christmas and a Christmas Day wedding at some rustic lodge was planned. Fortunately, she remembered her wedding dress was in the back seat so she slipped it on to avoid dying.
A hunky rescuer who was not her fiance arrived and…well…you know the rest.
The men noticed the woman’s sedan had California plates. They start mocking dumb Californians! They were really giving it to them and it had nothing to do with Gavin Newsom, high taxes and super wokeness. It was just good old fashioned Oregon Tavern Age hate for anything Californian!
Oh Merry Christmas to me! What tidings of comfort and joy!