Oregon Tavern Age: Death and More Death at the Sea Star

Linda, the Duchess of Gold Beach’s Sea Star, one of the premier OTA joints in the state, recently accompanied me to the Free Pool Sunday event at the joint. Over two years had passed since my last Free Pool Sunday visitation and since then, most of the colorful regulars who charmed me with their presence had died or dissipated:

Russell by suicide gunshot in his truck overlooking the ocean.

Gloree by heart attack and acute alcoholism.

Horny Ron, probably by over-stimulation provided by Pornhub.

Gary by various health complications.

Max by stroke suffered in the Sea Star on Free Pool Sunday!

Another one by motorcycle crash.

The town consort by head on collision while high on meth.

Others gone or sobered up.

The greatest conglomeration of freaks, fishermen and storytellers I’d ever encountered in 25 years of exploring OTA country was no more. And they all had some sort of weird osprey story and Gloree’s specialty dish was bear tacos.

Robert Frost told the truth: Nothing gold can stay. It’s the hardest truth of all.

But “nothing gold can stay” is never more true about Oregon Tavern Age life. I’ve written this before but I will write again: Donald Trump killed my beloved OTA convivial culture for good. He made it go extinct. The patrons used to tell stories, now they parrot Fox New bullshit or show each other internet conspiracy videos promoted by Trumpian bootlickers and profiteers. I heard it. I saw it. I smelled it. It was terrible to behold because OTA was my first subject to write about when I finally got the Oregon writing life going in my mid 30s. I kept writing about it. I wrote two books about it!

This is the end.

You want one final piece of proof of how Trump and Fox News and right wing insanity murdered OTA country?

In the Sea Star, one of the last of the OTAs from the Free Pool Sunday heyday, a local contractor, a decent bullshitter, had completely been enveloped by the darkness of dumbassness. How deeply enveloped? He’d tried to get the Sea Star to ban sales of Bud Light because of Anheuser Busch’s support of a trans influencer promoting Bud Light (I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence!)

Apparently, according to Linda, who is very much in the know, other Gold Beach wingnuts had convinced the three other OTA joints in Gold Beach to pull all the Bud Light. Sweet OTA Jesus! (He the Jesus who looks anywhere from 40 to 70 years old, smokes Pall Malls, and is perpetually hungover.)

The Sea Star refused the boycott because trans people drinking Bud Light is not a real problem. Now if trans influencers were promoting drinking Fireball with breast milk bought off the internet, then I’d have my concerns.

So the offended regular took to drinking some other shitty corporate lager instead. Boy, that got em’!

Farewell Sea Star, my old friend. I wrote a million words at my table near the window. But those days are over. There’s nothing to write about in here anymore.