Ode to Don, the Dog Park Dumpmaster
Every dog park needs a Dumpmaster like Don,
to sheriff scofflaws and scalawags
who don’t scrub up after their canines.
So how about some doggerel
to celebrate Don this Christmas?
Nothing like a poem about dog shit
to make the season merry and bright.
Oh, what scatological obsession!
Oh, what eagle eyes!
Oh, what selfless citizenship!
Oh, what hatred for Ronald Reagan!
Oh, what loathing of the Oregon Ducks.
Oh, what vocabulary!
Miscreant, misanthrope, mellifluous, malaise, mendacity.
You haven’t lived until you’ve heard Don
give a running commentary if a dog has the runs.
He really needs his own TikTok dog shitting channel.
The kids would dig it.
I mean, Don writes haikus about dogs taking dumps
IN REAL TIME!
Top that Emily Dickinson!
(Note to poet: Consider writing a poem about Emily Dickinson picking up her dog Carlo’s dumps. He was a Newfoundland!)
If you visit the dog park,
you best pay attention to your mutt’s anus
or Don will bark,
but he’s like Old Yeller;
he won’t bite.
He’ll even pick up a dump for free
and not list it in the ledger.
And don’t you dare wish for a white Christmas!
It would ruin all the fun at the dog park for Don.
He likes the hunt.