Possible Christmas Tales

Over the years, I have written various coastal Christmas tales and shared them with readers. I plan on writing and sharing another one this holiday season. Below are the titles and notes for possible tales. I still haven’t decided which one to pursue.

Sweet Home Stoned Oregon Christmas

A lesbian couple live in Astoria. One woman hailed from rural Alabama where her embittered, racist, homophobic and Trump-supporting father still resides. The couple invites the father to spend Christmas with them in Astoria, thinking he won’t accept because he has never traveled out of state. But he does accept and flies out to Oregon where he meets trees, beaches, driftwood forts, rain, dark beer, friendly, non-embittered people, and (unbeknownst to him) cannabis-laced Christmas treats. Slowly, something novel begins to stir within him, and he is sore afraid. The Oregon Coast spirit begins to take over and just in time for Christmas.

Christmas Crafting

A depressed millennial woman working social media for a cannabis corporation in San Francisco decides to commit suicide a couple weeks before Christmas. Her plan is to drive north up Highway 101 to the Southern Oregon Coast and somehow end her life (probably pills and booze). When she reaches the area, she sees a handmade sign advertising a Christmas craft fair at a county fairgrounds and decides to investigate. Inside the craft fair, she finds the true meaning of Christmas through old school crafters, lacquer, glue guns, crochet and baked goodies (non cannabis).

A Clearcut White Christmas

A young forester for the world’s most evil timber investment corporation with a secret headquarters in a clearcut above Seaside, undergoes a spiritual George Bailey-like transformation when he finds himself drunk and stoned in a snowy clearcut on Christmas Eve and surrounded by woodland creatures and birds when Santa lands his sleigh, confronts the forester, and helps drink his liquor and sample a cannabis candy cane.

The Hold Out’s Anti-Christmas Crusade

The lone hold out against a national big box retailer that built a massive superstore on a filled wetland is an elderly man whose Clackamas County Christmas tree farm maze delighted children for 20 years and became a local legend. The superstore’s construction surrounded the man’s property and ended public access to the maze. The man declares war on the retailer during the holiday season by erecting a nightly series of obscene outdoor Christmas displays (e.g. The Grinch having sex with an angel and a Wise Man; Santa Claus spanking Baby Jesus in the manger, etc) that become a First Amendment cause cé·lè·bre and draw the ire of the President of the United States.

An Oregon Tavern Age Christmas

A dissipating writer on the existential lam receives an invitation from some regulars in Oregon Tavern Age country to join them for a Christmas Day barbecue at a Rogue River campground. The holiday repast will feature hot dogs, venison and red and green-colored Jello shots. On the river, he finds the true meaning of Christmas in Oregon Tavern Age country.

Holy Dog Night

A dissipating writer on the existential lam volunteers at an animal shelter on Christmas Day and finds the true meaning of Christmas from shelter dogs when he smuggles in special meat treats and walks 23 mile with 46 dogs in one day.

RV Park Christmas

A dissipating writer on the existential lam finds the true meaning of Christmas by bringing a little ramshackle Christmas cheer to the dissipated residents of a ramshackle RV park on the Oregon Coast.

Bonnie and Clyde Christmas

A dissipating writer on the existential lam finds the true meaning of Christmas by staging a Christmas party near a river for two senior dogs named Bonnie and Clyde.

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