Talking to Ed

“Those fucking Democrats!” Ed said to me, from his 90s sedan with the window down.

It was six in the foggy morning at the Empire Boat Ramp. Elmer the husky and I were standing a few feet away from Ed. He drove here every morning to commune with Coos Bay. Same as me and Elmer except we walk.

I’d met Ed at the boat ramp a couple of months ago and he had displayed a special affinity for Elmer because he used to live in Alaska and owned a few sled dogs over the decades. I also recounted to Ed how I once had ridden a ferry through Alaska’s Inside Passage and had my mind blown by seeing 200 bald eagles scavenging spawned-out salmon on a beach, not to mention black bears doing exactly the same thing at precisely the same time.

He loved that story because he’d seen 200 bald eagles at one time in Alaska once, devouring wild salmon.

I liked Ed. He was country, crusty and sure loved to swear. He also got off his ass every morning to take in nature.

His outburst surprised me. He’d never gone MAGA on me in our previous conversations. We’d always talked about dogs, Alaska and Coos Bay.

In recent years, I’ve grown tired of holding back when a representative from MAGA fires a unprompted broadside at me. It happens all the time in campgrounds or dive bars where I write, but I make it a rule to never discuss politics in dive bars. I’d rather hear stories of the regulars’ utter debauchery. They used to recount them with zest. Now they’d rather talk MAGA.

But dammit, Ed had blasted away, annihilating my sublime mood, and something I drank from the salty air told me now was the time to return fire.

“Hey, I’m a fucking Democrat Ed!”

Ed heard me but didn’t respond. In my experience this is typical of MAGAs when confronted one on one. They can only regurgitate Fox News talking points. He was now off script and could not improvise.

His complaint about Democrats was prompted by some recent actions of Democrats in Alaska (there are some?) who apparently nixed a friend’s plan to develop some property near Haines and turn it into a compound to raise sled dogs. Seeing Elmer had I guess triggered him.

“Those fucking environmentalists!” Ed added for extra measure.

“Ed,” I said, “without fucking environmentalists you wouldn’t be looking at the beauty of Coos Bay this morning. It would have been destroyed.” I gestured with a sweeping motion across the bay as I said this.

An osprey flew overhead.

Seeing this magical bird was like belting down a double shot of salt air (no chaser).

“There wouldn’t be a fucking osprey, bald eagle, peregrine falcon or Canadian goose left alive without fucking environmentalists!”

I said this sentence smiling and pointing to the osprey.

What a performance and everything I said was true!

No response from Ed. He’s lost the ability to respond in moments such as these because they never occur to him.

Until one did. He never saw it coming. Maybe that’s the best way to communicate with MAGA types. Meet them where they’re at and get it on.

Ed began telling a story about bears in Alaska breaking down garage doors to steal meat and fish from freezers. They had to shoot 42 in Haines not too long ago.

It turned into a monologue.

Elmer and I had to go. I said goodbye and Ed waved to us and returned to staring at the bay.

I had gone there with Ed and I would do so again if the situation arose. Why not?