Let me wear corduroy garments<\/p>\n\n\n\n
or let me stride naked in public<\/p>\n\n\n\n
or incarcerate me in Dockers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pants, blazers, shirts, cutoffs, coats<\/p>\n\n\n\n
with no more than 6-wail,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
NEVER PLEATED PANTS!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Oh the glorious loose, comfortable nature<\/p>\n\n\n\n
of this cozy clothing!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let us remember the halcyon days of corduroy,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
the baby blue three-piece suit<\/p>\n\n\n\n
with wide lapels, flared pants,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
advertised in Playboy<\/em>,<\/p>\n\n\n\n long, long gone<\/p>\n\n\n\n like gelatin desserts with suspended shrimp,<\/p>\n\n\n\n topped with Cool Whip<\/p>\n\n\n\n or serve and volley on grass at Wimbledon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Praise be to my greatest corduroy garment,<\/p>\n\n\n\n a tan car coat with suede pockets, flannel lining, leather buttons,<\/p>\n\n\n\n stitched by communist women in Yugoslavia during the Cold War,<\/p>\n\n\n\n while singing proletariat hymns,<\/p>\n\n\n\n purchased 15 years ago,<\/p>\n\n\n\n by a student at a thrift store for 99 cents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n She claimed the coat was \u201cpure Mr. Love.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n From the moment I slipped it on, I agreed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I’ve probably walked 5000 miles along Oregon’s ocean beaches in this coat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I’d received compliments all over Oregon from old and young alike (mostly homeless people).<\/p>\n\n\n\n I will never forget wearing it in a Newport wine shop and a beautiful woman<\/p>\n\n\n\n wearing an eye patch,<\/p>\n\n\n\n wielding a cane,<\/p>\n\n\n\n came up,<\/p>\n\n\n\n rested her left hand on my shoulder,<\/p>\n\n\n\n looked the coat up and down,<\/p>\n\n\n\n looked me in the eyes and said,<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou and that jacket really have it going on.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Any woman doing yard work with me wearing corduroy cutoffs<\/p>\n\n\n\n won’t be doing yard work for very long.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hail to Jimmy Carter,<\/p>\n\n\n\n the only President to ever wear corduroy!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Look where we went after Reagan’s pinstripes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n My father, a Church of Christ minister,<\/p>\n\n\n\n used to preach in a green corduroy blazer with patches.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It should have made me believe<\/p>\n\n\n\n because Jesus would have worn corduroy,<\/p>\n\n\n\n he had a corduroy personality,<\/p>\n\n\n\n unlike Peter and Paul.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Oh those B Westerns where the good guys wore corduroy jackets with fringes!<\/p>\n\n\n\n The bad guys work buckskin,<\/p>\n\n\n\n scraped hides from dead animals,<\/p>\n\n\n\n and there your have it why the good guys always won.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Rock on forever Three Dog Night<\/p>\n\n\n\n performing concerts wearing corduroy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Thank you Lauren Hutton for the gap in your teeth<\/p>\n\n\n\n and wearing a mauve corduroy pant suit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I must be the last golfer on Earth who plays rounds in corduroys!<\/p>\n\n\n\n All my corduroys have grass stains in the knees,<\/p>\n\n\n\n thus precisely demonstrating a superb way to live,<\/p>\n\n\n\n gritty, going to the ground.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You don’t see grass stains in yoga pants.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If I ever marry again,<\/p>\n\n\n\n I will wear a corduroy blazer,<\/p>\n\n\n\n the color of burgundy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The holy grail was always white corduroy pants.<\/p>\n\n\n\n One time I saw the treasure,<\/p>\n\n\n\n so big they would have hung loose on Chester Arthur!<\/p>\n\n\n\n I once wrote a utopian short story<\/p>\n\n\n\n where every citizens of a kingdom wore corduroy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The nemesis of this kingdom made their slaves wear fleece and lycra.<\/p>\n\n\n\n One morning I decided it was time to euthanize the car coat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It was fraying, ripped, spent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I hung it on a driftwood fort<\/p>\n\n\n\n knowing the tide would wash it away<\/p>\n\n\n\n and a mermaid would transform it into a bikini.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I left the beach,<\/p>\n\n\n\n sprinted back an hour later,<\/p>\n\n\n\n rescued the coat,<\/p>\n\n\n\n and a master seamstress brought forth resurrection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Corduroy is all but extirpated in Oregon Coast thrift stores,<\/p>\n\n\n\n soon all of Oregon, the nation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Then extinction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I’m down to three pairs of pants,<\/p>\n\n\n\n threadbare wine, brown, green.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I keep searching in vain,<\/p>\n\n\n\n but search nonetheless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I will never buy them online!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Have you seen the awful styles?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Zero percent cotton!<\/p>\n\n\n\n One-hundred percent petroleum product.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Corduroy blazers are all that remain of the corduroy empire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I inspect them on racks every now and then,<\/p>\n\n\n\n thinking I might save yet another refugee from recycling,<\/p>\n\n\n\n becoming composite material for playground surfaces<\/p>\n\n\n\n because kids can’t handle falling on bark dust anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I continue to haunt garage and estate sales,<\/p>\n\n\n\n hoping, praying, conjuring<\/p>\n\n\n\n some old coot croaked<\/p>\n\n\n\n from smoking too many Camels.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He left behind a closet<\/p>\n\n\n\n stuffed with nothing but corduroy,<\/p>\n\n\n\n that when I behold,<\/p>\n\n\n\n I will fall to my knees<\/p>\n\n\n\n and weep tears of joy<\/p>\n\n\n\n with a 2-wail stream.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Let me wear corduroy garments or let me stride naked in public or incarcerate me in Dockers. Pants, blazers, shirts, cutoffs, coats with no more than 6-wail, NEVER PLEATED PANTS! Oh the glorious loose, comfortable nature of this cozy clothing! Let us remember the halcyon days of corduroy, the baby blue three-piece suit with wide […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9962,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,42],"tags":[212],"class_list":["post-9960","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-meditations","category-poetry","tag-corduroy","has-post-title","has-post-date","has-post-category","has-post-tag","has-post-comment","has-post-author",""],"builder_content":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9960","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9960"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9960\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9963,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9960\/revisions\/9963"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9962"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9960"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9960"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9960"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}