{"id":6630,"date":"2020-12-22T07:17:48","date_gmt":"2020-12-22T15:17:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/?p=6630"},"modified":"2020-12-22T07:17:50","modified_gmt":"2020-12-22T15:17:50","slug":"december-15-2020-noon-rural-oregon-grocery-store","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/meditations\/december-15-2020-noon-rural-oregon-grocery-store\/","title":{"rendered":"December 15, 2020, Noon, Rural Oregon Grocery Store"},"content":{"rendered":"<!--themify_builder_content-->\n<div id=\"themify_builder_content-6630\" data-postid=\"6630\" class=\"themify_builder_content themify_builder_content-6630 themify_builder tf_clear\">\n    <\/div>\n<!--\/themify_builder_content-->\n\n\n<p>I stand in line for stamps.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>An old woman buys sausage tubes the size of shotguns and carries them to the counter like firewood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The local meth mascot buys a root beer and tub of macaroni salad he could bathe in later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>An old woman in a bathrobe behind me holds only a six pack of Hamm&#8217;s talls.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Crack one open please! Make my day!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A single mom drags her screaming shoplifter from the store.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A young man buys a double burrito and energy drink.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>An old woman in blinking antlers bolts by with a cart full of wine and pies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The clerk closes his eyes. He may never wake up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I buy my stamps. I&#8217;m thinking about about buying some scratch-offs, some Christmas scratch-offs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>CRAAAAAAAACKKKKKKKKKK!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The woman behind me cracked open a cold cracklin&#8217; Hamm&#8217;s. She couldn&#8217;t wait. The line was too goddamn long and the world was ending anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If I turn around and behold an old woman wearing a bathrobe in line at a grocery store drinking a can of Hamm&#8217;s during the middle of Pandemic and Christmas is coming&#8230;Well, you Christmas Scrooge sons-of-bitches, I am going to burst into \u201cGod Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen\u201d and bring down the house!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>To save us all from Satan&#8217;s pow&#8217;r<br>When we were gone astray<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I&#8217;ll be holding out my hand for a Hamm&#8217;s when I sing that line.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I stand in line for stamps. An old woman buys sausage tubes the size of shotguns and carries them to the counter like firewood. The local meth mascot buys a root beer and tub of macaroni salad he could bathe in later. An old woman in a bathrobe behind me holds only a six pack [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6631,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,42],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6630","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-meditations","category-poetry","has-post-title","has-post-date","has-post-category","has-post-tag","has-post-comment","has-post-author",""],"builder_content":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6630","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6630"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6630\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6632,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6630\/revisions\/6632"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6631"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6630"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6630"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6630"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}