{"id":5508,"date":"2019-10-23T14:32:34","date_gmt":"2019-10-23T21:32:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/?p=5508"},"modified":"2019-10-23T14:32:35","modified_gmt":"2019-10-23T21:32:35","slug":"coyote-heals-a-broken-heart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/meditations\/coyote-heals-a-broken-heart\/","title":{"rendered":"Coyote Heals a Broken Heart"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n

(I’ve had some recent encounters with coyotes that reminded me of an experience I had with one over a decade ago <\/strong>that was truly out of this world. This essay appeared in Super Sunday in Newport.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nOctober 9, 2008<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nDo you know what it is to have your heart broken? What\nit means to get your ass kicked in a battle to preserve something in\nnature you love? Well, I do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nThe headline read: \u201cNestucca Bay Refuge Opens with\nArt, Audubon, and More.\u201d The article, in part, read:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nThe U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service\u2026will host a\nCelebration of Wildlife\u2026on Saturday, Oct. 11. The free\ncommunity-wide event is in honor of the grand opening of the Nestucca\nBay National Wildlife Refuge near Cloverdale. <\/em>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nThe refuge will open at 9 a.m., with a ribbon cutting\nat 10:45 a.m. and free guided walks from 11 a.m. to 12:30 p.m.\nVisitors are also welcome to explore the new Pacific View Trail.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nIn 2004 the Oregon Department of Transportation\nawarded (a) grant to the USFWS, to design and construct visitor\nfacilities on the refuge. The project includes two parking lots; a\npaved, wheelchair-accessible trail that leads to an elevated viewing\ndeck; road improvements; interpretive panels; and a restroom. The\npaved Pacific View Trail and Deck perched atop Cannery Hill, afford\nvisitors a sweeping view of the ocean\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nI lived on site and served as caretaker of the 600-acre\nNestucca Bay National Wildlife Refuge on the Oregon Coast for ten\nyears, from 1998-2008, and ascended Cannery Hill over 8,000 times\nduring my tenure. I went up there with my dogs in every kind of\nweather imaginable and at every time of day and night and might have\nbeen the luckiest American alive to enjoy this privilege.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nWhat was once a bankrupt dairy farm, an abused and\nforlorn piece of land, I helped restore to fuller ecology. Indeed, I\nled the restoration and cleared acres of blackberries, planted 2,000\ntrees, and organized over a hundred volunteer groups to plant an\nadditional 20,000 trees. I ripped out miles of barb wire and hauled\naway tons of garbage. I made friends with geese and swallows. I gave\nthe land everything I had, and in turn the land gave me everything of\nthings I didn\u2019t even know existed. This exchange\u2014an exchange\nolder than words\u2014saved my life, transformed me, and made me become\na writer. I love the refuge so much that I tattooed its greatest\nsymbol\u2014the Aleutian Canada geese it helped save from extinction\u2014on\nmy body. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nTell me an employee of the refuge would do that. Many\njobs undermine our best principles. A while later, they usually\ndisintegrate them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nAnd now the humans invade with their pavement and their\ncars and their plastic and their restrooms and their expensive\noptics. USFWS estimates that in the peak season, 250 vehicles a day\nwill park on the refuge. At the point, visitors won\u2019t see any\nwildlife. But they will have a sweeping view of the ocean from the\nPacific Wildlife Dispersal Viewing Deck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nI happily labored on the damaged land, but never for the\nbenefit of other humans. I was called \u201cselfish\u201d at an April 2007\npublic meeting after I read a statement in opposition to a public\npresence on the refuge. \u201cYou want it all for yourself,\u201d a woman\nsaid angrily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\nis part of that statement:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dear\n<\/em>USFWS:<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

At\nleast two, frequently three times a day, I take the same half-mile\nwalk. In nine years that adds up to 6750 trips. That’s how many times\nI conservatively estimate I’ve walked from the house on the grounds\nof the Nestucca Bay National Wildlife Refuge to Cannery Hill since\nbecoming caretaker in October of 1998. Through these walks and my\nother caretaker experiences I\u2019ve established a special seasonal and\ndaily relationship with Cannery Hill that I believe qualifies me as\nholding a unique and unprecedented personal perspective to comment on\nthe proposed public access plan.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The\ndraft plan states that when USFWS established the Nestucca Bay\nNational Wildlife Refuge: \u201cThe Service would seek to manage Refuge\nlands for maximum benefit to wildlife, and provide for public use\nwhich is compatible with the purposes for which the refuge was\nestablished.\u201d According to USFWS’ own definition, a compatible\npublic use is defined as a use that does not \u201cmaterially interfere\nwith or detract from\u201d the purposes the refuge was established.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Undoubtedly,\nyear-around, sunrise to sunset public use of the Cannery Hill\nOverlook would \u201cmaterially interfere with or detract from\u201d the\npurposes the refuge was established. How could it not when the public\nuse plan calls for a hiking trail and viewing deck on the hill that\ninvites hundreds of people a day to traverse the site? To assert\notherwise is to lack a basic ecological understanding of what happens\non Cannery Hill with respect to wildlife. <\/em>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On\npage eight of the plan, a sentence reads: \u201cSince Cannery Hill is\nprimarily vegetated with introduced grasses including invasive reed\ncanary grass and is mowed regularly, wildlife use of the hill itself\nis relatively low.\u201d I can say from experience of the sort that\ncomes from 6750 trips up the hill that the second half of this\nstatement is totally and empirically false.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The\nplan anticipates \u201cdisturbances\u201d to wildlife if the overlook is\nestablished, including impacts on forage for deer and elk and the\navailability of prey for raptors. Disturbance is not the proper noun\nto employ here. Displacement is. A year around human presence on\nCannery Hill would unquestionably displace coyotes, bobcats, foxes,\ndeer, elk and bears, all mammals I have observed or seen evidence of\non the headland multiple times. As for birds, on my walks up the hill\nover the years, I\u2019ve observed merlins, kestrels, kites, peregrine\nfalcons, bald eagles, red-tailed hawks and a few other raptors I\ncouldn’t identify. They typically leave when they sense my presence.\nNow imagine 250 vehicles a day parked near there and hundreds of\npeople walking the trail to the viewing deck. You couldn’t devise a\nmore efficient plan to displace this raptor population if you brought\nin a team of consultants working for a month.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Establishing\nand maintaining a wildlife refuge on the primary basis of affording\nscenic views of the Pacific Ocean to humans stands as wholly\nincompatible with what I understand the purpose of establishing and\nmanaging the Nestucca Bay National Wildlife Refuge, or any refuge for\nthat matter. Refuges should be first and foremost a sanctuary from\nsustained human presence, especially here at the Oregon Coast where\nthere are so few undeveloped places left to protect wildlife habitat.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\nmight seem as if possess a conflict of interest regarding the public\naccess plan since I served as caretaker and led the ecological\nrestoration effort of the refuge. I do possess a conflict of interest\nbut not because I want to remain living here undisturbed.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

No,\nmy conflict of interest flows from my overwhelming love for this\nplace and joy at seeing it slowly healed and evolving before my very\neyes into a special place where in the near future, full ecology is\npossible. I\u2019m not objective about this place. How could I be after\nnearly a decade in residence here, seeing all sorts of wonders of\nnature, planting upwards to 2,000 trees, cutting acres of\nblackberries by hand, and leading about a hundred student tours of\nthe grounds?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s\nmy belief that the Cannery Hill Overlook would undermine, if not undo\nthe healing that has commenced here, particularly the upland areas\nwhere leaving the place alone has proved the best strategy for\nattracting wildlife. That’s right, doing nothing. How often does an\nopportunity to do the right thing for nature entail us doing nothing?\nThis is one of those rare opportunities. It is so obvious.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nIt was not obvious to USFWS and less than a year later I\nwas gone from the refuge. During the last month of my service I was\nwalking the dogs to the top of Cannery Hill four, occasionally five\ntimes a day. At that point I had pretty much stopped going to work\nand wanted to spend as much time as I possible on the grounds. On one\nof my last days I saw a cougar and laughed aloud when I did because I\nknew I would be the last person in history to see a cougar on Cannery\nHill.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nThe woman at the meeting called me selfish. Was I? I\nonly wanted humans to leave a place alone. To do nothing. To let it\nheal and become wild. They could not. They almost never can. Both the\nRight and Left are guilty of this. Rednecks don\u2019t run marathons on\nAntarctica and hippies don\u2019t fly to Africa to shoot big game.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nTo think that my service on behalf of the refuge enabled\nhumans to visit the refuge is one of the most unbearable thoughts\nI\u2019ve ever had. But it\u2019s probably true. No, it is true. In 2002\nUSFWS brought the Under Secretary of the Interior to the refuge to\ninspect my work and in 2003 I won a national volunteer award and from\nUSFWS and $1000 for my service as caretaker. In 2004 USFWS applied\nfor and received the grant. I literally paved the way for this\ninvasion!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nNot too long ago, as I drove by the refuge for the first\ntime since I moved away seven months ago, and saw the pavement and\nthe Pacific Wildlife Dispersal Viewing Deck from Highway 101, I\nnearly vomited out the window. Then the nausea ebbed and the sound of\na breaking heart commenced. It sounded worse than anything I\u2019d ever\nheard inside of me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nWhat is a wildlife refuge? I know what it is not: a\nplace where humans intrude on wildlife for human satisfaction. If a\nperson defines the phrase any other way, he is unconscious. He is\nsomeone who stands in a smoking clearcut and claims clearcutting\nbenefits forest health. Or believes a smolt reared in a concrete pond\nis a part of a rational strategy to save wild salmon. As the writer\nDerrick Jensen clinically described this kind of human, many of whom\nearn their living as biologists, \u201cYou are insane.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nIf I was half the man I wanted to be, I\u2019d take a\nflamethrower to the deck or chainsaw it to the ground the night\nbefore the ribbon cutting ceremony and film it for all the YouTube\nworld to see. I would free Cannery Hill and make Edward Abbey proud.\nUnfortunately, I am a coward and don\u2019t possess the courage of the\ntree sitters or the whaler rammers. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nI was going to boycott the \u201cCelebration of\nWildlife\u201d\u2014if the celebration is the word. I prefer the more\naccurate noun \u2018desecration.\u2019 Defilement is a good one too. But\nwhat good does it do a writer to sit out his story if that story is\nin play? It does no good. So I\u2019m going up there, on my own, on a\nmission.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

October\n10<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

On\na 38-degree morning, I walked Ray to the beach to plot my mission. In\n18 hours, in the dead of night, I would drive alone, sneak onto the\nrefuge, and execute the mission\u2014my last noble service as caretaker.\nI had ruled out any vandalism\u2014I think\u2014but really couldn\u2019t\npredict what would happen when I saw the viewing deck on Cannery\nHill. Losing my cool was a distinct possibility. I store an ax in the\ntruck and as Edward Abbey once wrote, \u201cOne brave deed is worth a\nhundred books, a thousand theories, a million words.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My\nidea of a brave deed was to make a 20-foot poster of yellow butcher\npaper that read \u201cWelcome to the Desecration\u201d and staple it to the\nviewing stand. Naturally, USFWS officials would tear it down before\nthe ribbon cutting ceremony, but they would read it, know who wrote\nit, and that\u2019s all that mattered to me. I would have the last word\nand they would have their wooden trophy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After\na half mile walk from the house, I approached the beach from a\nwinding and descending path that cut through salmonberry and willow.\nSoon the path leveled, led into an opening, and I looked west, across\na creek, out to a Pacific of perfect surfing waves and perfect blue\nsky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Suddenly,\na large brown, orange and white-colored coyote entered the\nforeground. He was running north down the sand not more than 50 yards\naway from me. At almost the exact moment I noticed him, he stopped\nand turned to me. I\u2019m certainly no animist but I instantly\nidentified the coyote\u2019s presence as some kind of urgent personal\nmessage, although I was at a loss to fathom its meaning. In my decade\non the refuge of seeing coyotes at least a couple hundred times,\nsometimes a few feet away, I\u2019d never received a message like this,\nmuch less from a coyote so fit and with such distinct and handsome\ncoloring. He seemed groomed, like a prince.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A\nfew seconds later, the coyote resumed his northward course,\ndisappeared from my sight, and I felt compelled to follow. I\nunleashed Ray, crossed a bridge, and jogged down the path to the\nbeach. Ray lagged behind to sniff around and mark his territory.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A\nhigh tide had swept the beach clean of all markings except the\ncoyote\u2019s footprints. I followed them for a few seconds and then\nlooked up and saw 75 yards down the beach the coyote sprinting\nclosely parallel to the rock and sandy cliffs that rose 60 feet high\nin some places.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then\nthe coyote abruptly halted and turned around. He looked right at me\nand I was transfixed until Ray zoomed by me in pursuit, if a 14-year\nold partially epileptic dog with two bad hips can be said to zoom. I\nmarveled at my old dog\u2019s burst of energy and watched the spectacle\nfor a couple of minutes until I realized the coyote hadn\u2019t moved\nand seemed to be waiting for Ray. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\ntook off running and when Ray closed within ten yards of the coyote,\nI saw the coyote scamper up a nearly vertical 20-foot rock wall, and\nthen, surprisingly, sit up instead of disappearing into a thicket of\nScotch broom and shore pine. Ray went to the base of the wall and\nstarted barking and making short aborted attempts to scale the wall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By\nnow I had closed within 30 yards and was calling to Ray. He turned\nhis head and then I saw the coyote slide down the wall to within\nseveral feet of Ray. Ray made no move toward him, nor did the coyote\nadvance on Ray.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As\nI came within 15 yards, the coyote scampered back up the wall and sat\nup. I went to the base and looked directly up at him, into his white\nand orange face. We stared at each other for ten seconds and then I\ndisengaged, leashed up Ray, and headed home. A few seconds later I\nturned around and the coyote had slid down the wall again and\nappeared to be following us. I stopped, he stopped, and I began to\nlisten. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s\nwhat the coyote told me: I must let the refuge go, let go of my\nbitter shame of losing the battle to save it, let go of my anger at\nthe lunatics who perpetrated the desecration, let go of the\nattachment of being the caretaker, the greatest role in my life. The\ncoyote told me that my one brave deed should be to have the courage\nto not do something out of anger or disgust or vainglory. You let it\nbleed, he said, now let it be. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

October\n11<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And\nthat\u2019s exactly what I did with Ray by my side, this morning, on the\nbeach, at dawn. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

October\n14<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

After\nI moved off the refuge, I used to tell my friends and family, \u201cI\nhaven\u2019t even dreamed about it.\u201d It was a boast but it was also\ntrue. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now\nI understand why I never once dreamt about the refuge. In my mind,\nI\u2019d never left it. I was still the caretaker.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Last\nnight I had my first dream about the refuge since I\u2019d moved away.\nAll I remember seeing was large green trees. Ray was there too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(I’ve had some recent encounters with coyotes that reminded me of an experience I had with one over a decade ago that was truly out of this world. This essay appeared in Super Sunday in Newport.) October 9, 2008 Do you know what it is to have your heart broken? What it means to get […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5509,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5508","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-meditations","has-post-title","has-post-date","has-post-category","has-post-tag","has-post-comment","has-post-author",""],"builder_content":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5508","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5508"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5508\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5513,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5508\/revisions\/5513"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5509"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5508"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5508"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5508"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}